What to do...
Do I think too much? Do I care too much?
Do I try too hard?
Do I feel to much?
Maybe I should just let loose, live life without a care in the world. All I really want is to feel loved and happy, to be able to love without limits, feel alive and free.
fear of falling
I fear of falling back into the same patterns as before, self-destructive thoughts and feeling worthless. I don't want to go back, so please don't bring me there.
Just a few weeks I felt like I was on top of the world, and now it seems to be crashing down on me again. Save me
A walk in the desert
I feel so lost and confused, like I'm walking through a desert day and night without water, and every time I think I see a fountain and walk towards it, I go there to find out that it was nothing but a stupid mirage. I find myself fooled. Again. I wish I could know from the start who and what is real. I'm so sick of being fooled around with, I'm not some toy or experiment to play with.
Please, don't let me down, and I promise, I will try my best to live up to your wishes too.
tired...
disappointment has a name - it's heartbreak warfare
just me and my violin
Playing music just enlightens my world. Gotta love it. just me and my violin <3
anxious
feeling so anxious. I just want to erase all those "HAVE TO"s and just do "WHAT I WANT TO"s. Doesn't really work like that in real life though, now does it?
forever young
I want to be forever young.
Problems
I pray that I will make it tomorrow. I just realized how naive I am. Here I am, complaining over schoolwork and shit, while people around the world are dying every minute. My life could be 1000 times worse. I should be happy.
But still I'm not.
hit a wall
My body is aching, my head feels like it has hit a wall and my throat like it is stuffed with barbed wires. I haven't slept properly for days, each day I drag myself out of bed, with only two things in mind: that I have to go to school and the possibility of seeing you. For a brief moment I hang on to the memory of when I was last in your strong arms, and I feel good. Those special moments really enlighten my days.
At the moment I am practically buried in schoolwork and ongoing projects, I wish I could just have a break for a moment or two, and just breathe, just relax and capture a moment of freedom. I just need to hang in for two more weeks. Feeling the pressure of the knife against my throat. Life sure isn't always easy.
Carpe diem
My dreams are starting to freak me out. I've been thinking a lot about life and death lately. I'm so scared of losing the ones I hold close to my heart, I know it sounds egotistic, but I want them to be with me forever.
This is a part I've started to hate about growing up: the people around you also get older, and one by one you watch them fade away until it's your own turn to reunite with Mother Earth.
I fear for the day my dear ones will face this harsh truth, and we don't really know anything about what really happens after you physically die. Is there such a thing as spirits, and if so, do these spirits have conscience? Is there some kind of heaven or hell? I wish there was a way to confirm that the spirit lives on after the body dies, but there isn't.
There is really one fact that we know for sure: we live to die. It's unavoidable. Everyone dies, it's just a question of when. The most important thing, according to me, that we can do about this, is to make sure to help and make everyones lives as qualitative as possible, fill them with laughter, joy and happiness.
Therefore, I wanna make sure, to give my loved ones, the best of lives and remind them every day how much they mean to me. You never know when it's too late.